I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
