I feel great
I just peed on a car
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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