I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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