I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
