Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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