Grow some girl-balls and come out already
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
