was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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