The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
