dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
