I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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