I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
