would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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