speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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