New invention idea: vibrating tampons
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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