Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she smelled like a LAN party
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
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