Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
