We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
