Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
