Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
