so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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