just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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