She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
