I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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