Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
