im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Randomize
