he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
