we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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