Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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