you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
