somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
