I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
