We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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