Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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