Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
