I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
