no. you can't hotbox the world.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
