How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
