apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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