I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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