I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
