My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
