ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
