What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
