i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
