The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
