3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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