bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
