Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
