and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
