omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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