thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
