last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
