Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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