So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
