hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
