you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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