he looks like a really good dad on facebook
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm passing your future prison.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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