I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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